Catman Travels
by Yimon The Catman
Summary: I got a little obsessed and crazy during Retro's down time. If you're reading this, you're either one of those who play, or soon you will be, we hope. A story of my travels, sorta.
1. Chapter 1

**I don't own RetroMud, thank god, because if I did then the world as RetroMudders know it would crumble. And I would be left standing next to the big switch with 'OFF' written on it, and a foolish look on my foolish catty face. Yimon is the name of my one and only catfolk monk character. If you wanna IM mean on it, I'm a newb as of the date 1st July, 2005. That's a Friday in England. Also the week when RetroMud is down. No connection between that and the construction of this rambling.**

Yimon popped into existance. Letters and numbers, symbols in all manner of colours flew around him, forming shapes and word momentarily, before bursting apart and zooming off into the depths of space and time. The effect was incredible, and Yimon looked around himself with awe.

"Wow...this is going to be. So. Confusing." He clapped.

The letters all lined up, some pushing others out of the way to get into their spaces. A brawl between a couple of O's and a capital C erupted, but it was quickly quashed by the tough looking H nearby. As the letters settled, Yimon looked over them appraisingly.

"'Hi, and welcome to RetroMud, Yimon of the Catfolk.' Aw, isn't that sweet? I feel so loved!" And with that, Yimon skipped off north, through a large door again into a big room. Again, this was filled with flying letters and numbers, but these ones outlined the shape of a high hall, and various objects around it. Here and there, a couple of floating balls of symbols were roaming about. Yimon looked down, and noticed that he was one too.

"Hey, what gives! I'm a Catfolk monk! Where's my body?"

A voice boomed out across the hall. "Actually, no. You're not. As of this moment, you're not even called Yimon, Yimon."

Yimon waved a finger. "Then how do you know my name, huh? If I'm not already called that, how come you know it, you big omni-sentient being?"

"Well, that's because...erm...oh, crap." And with that, the voice broke, and the letters in the hall went white, rippling from the distant ceiling like a mexican wave.

Another, different voice piped up. "Listen, cleverclogs, stop breaking the avatars. Just choose your name, your race, your guild and your gender. It's pretty simple."

"Well, I think I'm going to call myself Yimon. That is my name, after all," said Yimon the (future) catfolk monk, "then I'm going to be a catfolk."

The numbers and letters making up Yimons body came together, and turned into a proper figure, with arms and legs and...a tail. Heh. Catfolk. Yimon stroked the pretty tawny fur on Yimon's arms, then he stretched...Hold up. Yimon pulled his waistband away from his body and looked down.

"What the...HOI! AVATAR! Why is there a 'RetroMud' stamp where my...y'know...should be?" Yimon mewled up at the ceiling, hopping from leg to leg in anger.

The voice came back, this time tinged with amusement. "You haven't chosen your gender yet, dearie. Choose it, and you get your peewee. Or, y'know, three pairs of breasts if you're a woman. Cats get that...for some reason."

Yimon stopped hopping. "Well, that's easy. I'm going to be a dude, of cour - wait...so if I'm a woman, I get six tits? Hmm..." Yimon smiled, a grin worthy of a Cheshire cat spreading across his face.

"Oh, you pervert! Ew! Just choose a man, you vile creature!" the Avatar screamed from the ceiling.

Yimon looked up again. "So I guess you're a female Avatar, then? How's that working out for ya? Developing a pesonality? I thought that was a no-no for Avatars?"

The Avatar paused. "...It is...oh, you little bas-" Pop! The Avatar exploded, and the walls again went white for a moment, rippling from the centre of the room.

Another voice spoke, this one slow, and deep. "Right, Yimon. Choose a gender, and a guild, and stop ripping off a Terry Prachett book."

Yimon grinned. "Fine, then. Can I ask your name?"

The voice laughed. "Not so easy, boyo, I don't have a name."

Yimon wagged a finger. "You called me boyo, and at the moment, I'm like a furry Ken doll. Not a dude. Bad, bad Avatar..."

Pop!

The fourth voice piped up. "Right, you. Now you do this on your own! I have better players to help! And I'm going! Goodbye!"

Pop!

Yimon frowned. "What did that one do wrong?"

The fifth voice spoke. "Oh, we're not supposed to fear death. And I guess he did. Anyway, Yimon. Choose. Get on with it."

Yimon looked into the shorts again. "I choose male. SCORE!" He snapped the waistband of his pants, and did a backwards flip, before bowing. "Hey, I'm loving these emotes! What else can I do?"

The Avatar chuckled. "Try 'catail'. Go on."

Yimon looked over his shoulder, as his tail began twisting and waving. "Yay! Tail!"

He straightened back up, and looked at his hands. "Well, for the guild, cats are pretty suited to being monks, so I guess being a monk is a good idea! I choose monk as my guild!"

Nothing changed.

Yimon looked upwards questioningly, and the Avatar shrugged...before realising they didn't actually have a body, and so instead settled for talking. "You're a monk. Your body doesn't change, and you don't get any special physical stuff. I mean, I can see there's chi in your body, but you don't know how to get to it yet. You have to settle for some martial arts. But check your backpack!"

Yimon opened his bag. He delved inside, before pulling out a jacket, a cap and a white belt. He turned. "You've got to be kidding me. You think I'm going to advertise being a whitebelt? I've done karate in the real world! I know what level a whitebelt is! They're the wimps no one takes seriously!"

"Just wear the damn belt!" the Avatar said, with resignation in its voice.

Yimon mewled, and tied the bet around him, though with not a little amount of muttering and flexing of claws. Finally, he was ready and everything seemed to have been done. He flexed and unflexed his claws, before raising a paw to the ceiling and sheathing his claws, save for the middle one. The Avatar groaned. "Stop ripping off X-Men too! Do you wanna get sued? Just, be on your way, catboy."

Yimon grinned through razor sharp teeth at the ceiling, before sticking his tongue out momentarily and turning towards the exit. The Avatar called after him "Have fun, newbie! Just remember, the games bigger than you ever will be! Stop trying to be clever!"

Yimon looked back, just in time to see the walls go white again, and to hear the pop. He grinned. "What did that one do?"

The voice spoke slowly, and Yimon could hear the confusion. "I don't know. He just went pop!"

Yimon smiled again. "Must be my animal magnetism."

"Look, you're not a furry Bond. Get out. Go play. And I hope I see you soon. Cos it will mean you had your ass soundly KICKED! Bye!"

Yimon held up two fingers, and backflipped out of the exit.


	2. Chapter 2

**Okay, like I said for the first one, I don't own RetroMud, and I really hope they don't sue, or break my account ritualistically in some crazy internet ceremony, before firebombing my house. I've seen it happen you know.**

**Well, it depends how much you smoke, I suppose... ;)**

As Yimon backflipped through the portal from the birthing reality, the first thing he noticed was the glaring light. It was so bright, it was almost impossible to see, and all that was visible were a couple of vague shifting shapes in the brightness. Yimon hissed at them, before scurrying behind a stone and rubbing frantically at his eyes. The sunspots just wouldn't go. He buried his furry face in his paws, trying to get rid of them.

"You know, I can fixsss that for you." The voice was right next to Yimon's ear, and he leapt backwards, away from the person.

Person being only a very loose term. The draconian straightened up, smiling a toothy grin at the startled catfolk. "Nisssce to meet you too. I'm Osssirisss." He extended a taloned claw, and Yimon looked at it nervously until Osiris withdrew it with a sigh. "Sssuit yourssself, catboy."

Yimon giggled, and the draconian looked over at his friend, whose form was now distinguishing itself from the brightness to show he was a human. The human shrugged, and Osiris turned back to Yimon. "Sssomething funny, newbie? Why are you laughing?"

Yimon started to chuckle louder. "Nothing. It's just you speak, you know, with all the long sss's."

The two others looked at each other, before turning back to Yimon with an amused look in their eyes. "And you think that'sss funny?"

"Actually, yeah, I do. And he has such an unlucky name with that sibilansssssce." Yimon purposely drew out the S, to test the reaction. But instead the two just looked at him, Osiris barely holding back a laugh. The human came closer.

"And what is his name, sorry? I didn't hear you say it."

Yimon laughed again. "It's Osirrris-EEP!" And with that, he clapped a hand over his mouth in shock. The two other men collapsed with hysterics, while Yimon stood, shocked.

Osiris hissed up from the floor "You...you thought...HISSHISSHISSHISSHISS...that you would get off ssscot free? Think again, Pusss-in-Bootsss!" And they collapsed in fresh laughter again.

Yimon slowly took his hand from his mouth. "You mean, I rrroll ALL of my Rrrrr's?" He squeaked. "How is anyone supposed to underrrrrstand what I'm trrrrying to say?"

The others slowly picked themselves up, still laughing. Osiris straightened up, fighting to keep a smile from his face. "Well, there are a couple of waysss to get around it, Fluffy. One, you can sssspeak telepathically to other people. Sssspecial gift ussss Gifted Onesss have. Or, alternatively, you can ssspeak in your natural tongue. Only people who sssspeak it too can undersssstand you, but it works."

Yimon stared at the draconian. "My naturrrral tongue? What arrrre you talking about?"

Osiris shrugged. "Listen." With that, he turned to the human. Opening his mouth, he hissed at him. Then to Yimon's surprise, the human laughed, and hissed something back in a fair imitation of a hiss. Osiris laughed himself. "Your acsssent needsss sssome work, friend."

Turning back to Yimon, Osiris smiled. "Now you try."

Yimon opened his mouth, before closing it and looking thoughtful. Now Osiris mentioned it, he did remember something. Like a door opened in his mind. He thought. Hard. His tail flicked behind him as he did so, and the human lay down in the sun. Osiris hissed something at him, and Yimon opened an eye in annoyance. Osiris shrugged. "Jussst telling him to put ssssome ssssunssscreen on. You know how thessse humanssss burn..."

Yimon shook his head. "You broke my concentration, fool. How am I supposed to get my words right...now...hey!" He bounced happily, as Osiris looked over at the human. The man got up, and walking over to Yimon held out a hand.

"Well done, dude. I'm Markus. I'm a mage, but I speak most languages in the Retroverse, so I work as a translator." Markus said all this in Cattongue, with only a hint of an accent. To Yimon's surprise, despite the fact that only five minutes ago Yimon had been purring along with no knowledge of a different language, he understood Markus perfectly. The Retroverse was clearly a little twisted.

He became aware that Osiris was clicking his talons in frustration. "Hello? Could we pleasssse ssstart talking ssssomething we all underssstand? Common would be great, you know." Osiris flicked his tail in annoyance.

Yimon grinned. "So, can he not understand a word we're saying, then?" he mewled at Markus, who shook his head. Yimon's smile grew wider. "So we could be saying anything about you, Osiris, and you can't understand a word. Pity." Osiris frowned, and then closed his eyes, a slight sneer rising on his lips.

"_Ah, but I can get inside your head. How do you like this, Kitty?"_ Yimon's eyes widened, and he hissed. The voice was right inside his head! What was this? Had he suddenly gone schizo? Then he suddenly realised whose the voice was, even if it was minus the sibilance.

"Osirrris! Fine, we'll talk in Common. Just, don't surrrrprrrrise me like that again." Osiris opened an eye and smiled mischeviously.

_"And what will stop me if I don't, hmm? You? Little furball boy will? I don't think so..."_ Yimon narrowed his eyes at Osiris.

"You think I can't stop you? Let's see just how well those scales stand up to my claws, huh?" Yimon let his nails slowly extend from his right paw, holding them up so as to let Osiris see just how sharp they really were. The draconian paled slightly, and held up his hands.

"Ssssorry, sssorry. Jusssst having sssome fun. Don't get your ssshortsss in a twissst..." Yimon nodded, and resheathed his claws. Then he remembered what had started this conversation, as the sun glinted brightly off a passing fighters armour.

Osiris saw it too. "Oh, of coursssse. The ssssun. Markussss."

Markus stepped up. "You're a monk, aren't you?" Yimon nodded. "In which case you should be able to do this for yourself. If I unlock it for you, then you'll regain your knowledge of spell casting. Of course, at first you'll fail at a couple of the spells every now and then..." Markus held out his hand palm up. A ball of light flickered, expanding and contracting, before disappearing, "like that. But eventually..." This time the ball that appeared was dark, and sucked light almost out of the air. It solidified, and hung in the air. Then Markus flicked his arm, and the darkness flew towards Yimon.

Yimon flinched, as the ball suddenly stopped, a couple of inches from his face. As he looked into it, the same feeling as when he'd been remembering his language came over him. He felt power coursing through him, in every vein and artery and muscle and organ in his body. And with this came the knowledge of how to use a fraction of that power. He extended his own hand, again palm upwards, and channeled the magic into it. A ball formed, a replica of the one floating in front of him. The fur stood up on the back of his neck. Then, suddenly, something snapped inside, and his ball winked out of existence.

Markus gently rested a hand on Yimon's shoulder. "Well, hardly any newbies get it the first time, remember. Hey, at least you managed something!"

Yimon shook his head, and looked up. Markus' ball was still floating round his head, and as he looked into the sun, his vision momentarily clouded. Then, as it cleared away, Yimon found he could see perfectly in the light, because somehow it didn't seem quite as bright as it had done.

"It'sss a ssspell. Darknesssss." hissed Osiris. "A ssssight ssssspell. If you're a cat, or ssssomething elsssse that can't ssssee quite sssso well in light, then you usssse Darknessss. If you're a human or ssssomething that sssees badly in darknesss, then you usssse Light."

Markus grinned. "My orb will last you for the whole of today, and it won't need any power to keep going either. The Retroverse goes easy on newbies, so you don't need to expend any spell points on it. When it runs out and you need a new one, then you can just cast your own. It shouldn't take you too long to get it yourself."

Yimon looked at the two people. "Errrrm...I usually considerrrr myself above this but...errrrm...could you help me with the rrrrest of this?"

The men raised their eyebrows and Markus looked over at Osiris. Yimon felt something cross between them, probably the telepathy, and after a moment, Osiris nodded. Markus turned back to Yimon with a smile. "Come with us. We'll tell you about this world, and all the others you'll need."


End file.
